Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché
by Just Gabz
Summary: Ianto is still haunted by memories. Memories of Metal and fire and the first love of his life dying. Now he has to face those fears. spoiler/mentions of Cyberwoman and Canary Wharf
1. Haunting Memories

**Title: _Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché_**

**Pairings/Characters:_ Jack/Ianto, Captain Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Williams_**

**Warnings:_ Angst, Fluff, bit of everything_ **

**Summary: _Ianto is still haunted by memories. Memories of Metal and fire and the first love of his life dying. Now he has to face those fears. spoiler/mentions of Cyberwoman and Canary Wharf_**

**Author Notes: _The idea for this came to me whilst listening to 'Not Good Enough For Truth In Cliché' by Escape The Fate (which I found out recently sounds amazing live ;D) so the flashbacks throughout this story are inspired by that song._**

**Disclaimer: _I wish I owned Torchwood 'cause then I'd be all like "Hey, back off, Ianto belongs to me!" but I don't._**

**_Chapter 1 - Haunting Memories_**

_The room was dark, the very little light in it only coming from a dim lamp on the table. Ianto sat at the small table. The only things sitting on it were the lamp, a bottle of whiskey with a glass and a gun. He swallowed a mouthful of the liquid, closing his eyes for the warm, strong wave of flavour as it went down his throat._ _He stared at the gun intently, as if it were going to get up and do something. Light engulfed the room but Ianto didn't bother turning around. He could tell who it was by the shadow, even the faint smell that came with them. As he moved towards him, Ianto couldn't help but feel anger. He'd never hated anyone so much as he hated Jack at that moment._

_"What are you going to do Ianto? Kill yourself?"_

_Ianto took a deep breath before speaking, his voice hoarse from shedded tears and the burning from the whiskey, "Maybe."_

_"You and I both know you're already dead. What's the point, really?"_

_"I...I thought I had it all figured out." Ianto gripped the gun in his hand, feeling the weight of it, "I loved her. She was fine even half converted. Why did you tell me to kill her?" He murmured through gritted teeth._

_"Hey, you didn't leave well enough alone. Like you said, she was fine until you tried to fix her." Jack moved into Ianto's eyeline, "This is as much your fault as it is mine."_

_The younger man looked down at the gun, mainly to look away from Jack._

_"You know, life is like a game of russian roulette." Jack sat down across from Ianto and the Welshman didn't even realise until then that there was another chair._

_"Hmm?" Ianto never looked up from the gun as he ran the fingers of his other hand over the shine of the metal gently._

_"You're always playing, always risking it all and sometimes...you lose and you get shot." Jack shrugged, "No one ever said life was fun."_

_"Plenty of people said that." Ianto stared at the silver finish on the gun._

_In a flash he saw Lisa. He heard the metal, smelt the blood. He choked on his breath as he watched her die in his head, over and over again. The gun clattered to the table as he looked down at his hands. he saw her blood soaking them, just another thing he'd never be able to forget. The smell of it was intoxicating and he impulsively downed the rest of his glass, pouring another._

_Jack's face didn't change as he watched Ianto's reactions. He sat where he was as if nothing had happened in those moments. He picked up the gun Ianto had moments before, feeling it from hand to hand._

_"Honestly, what were you planning to do with this?"_

_"I don't know. Like you said, I'm already dead, what's the point anymore?" Iant shrugged._

_"That you are. What's it like to die alone?"_

_Ianto looked into his eyes at that moment, pure fear in his eyes, "I don't even know." He looked to the bottle on the table, "I've never felt so alone. "_

_The captain nodded, "And killing yourself is going to make that better?"_

_"It's not like anyone is going to miss me."_

_"I didn't say that." Jack looked down, "I'd miss you."_

_"No you wouldn't." Ianto looked at Jack angrily, "You'd be glad to get rid of me."_

_Jack took a breath, "Mmm, you're probably right. You can do it if you like. I'm not going to stand in your way."_

_That stung. As much as he knew it was how Jack felt, it hurt to hear the words come out of his mouth. A tear ran down Ianto's cheek and he took the gun from Jack. _

_"Tell...tell Tosh I love her yeah?"_

_Jack nodded._

_"And Owen...tell him I always thought he was a right bastard." Ianto chuckled through his tears, "And Gwen, tell her...say...I'll miss her."_

_Jack watched Ianto's face intently._

_"I hate you Jack." Ianto mumbled, "But I care about you more."_

_"I know you do."_

_The bullet clicked in its chamber as Ianto cocked the gun, "Goodbye Jack." The thundering sound of the bullet firing filled the room and Ianto was shrouded in darkness._

Ianto breathed in heavily as he woke up, trying to catch his breath. He turned to see Jack in a deep sleep next to him and smiled faintly in relief. He ran a hand along the older man's arm gently, needing to feel he was there, more than just see him. Getting up carefully, he moved out into the main hub and ran a hand through his hair. The sweat made his hair stick up in random directions. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he sank to the floor in Jack's office, leaning against the wall. It'd been over a year since Lisa and he was still having this nightmare. Atleast he could rely on the fact that it was coming less often. He leaned his head back against the wall and waited for the inevitable tears to fall before he's go back to the bunk.

**_A/N: Depressingly angsty? Sorry, blame my current frame of mind. Please review. I'm actually really into this story idea._**

**_Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx_**


	2. Alarms

**_Chapter 2 – Alarms_**

Ianto moved quietly back to the bunk, crawling under the quilt next to the sleeping captain. He moved closer to the older man, resting his head on his warm shoulder.

Jack's eyes scrunched shut tighter, "Ianto?"

"Go to sleep Jack." The younger man whispered.

"You're cold." Jack's voice was deep from sleep.

"I just got a drink."

"You okay?"

"I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Jack turned to face Ianto and sighed, "No you're not."

"I'm fine." Ianto insisted, smiling reassuringly.

"Ianto," The older man ran the back of his hand over the Welshman's cheek, "Your face is still red."

Ianto let out a shaky breath, "I'll _be_ fine."

"Tell me what's wrong." Jack's voice was quiet.

"Nothing."

Jack rubbed his eyes, "Tell me, please."

"It's alright. I'll be fine."

The captain looked away for a moment, "It was that dream again, wasn't it?"

"It...I know...you don't really feel like you do in that dream." His voice was uncertain.

"I don't." Jack murmured quietly, "You know I don't. I've never felt like that."

"It just gets to me, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I understand, honestly. You survived Canary Wharf _and then _Lisa. It's not fair for someone to have to deal with as much as you have." Jack wrapped his arms around the younger man, pulling him closer, "Don't think about it. The past is the past. You're here, in the hub, in this room, in this bed. That's all that matters now."

Ianto smiled, breathing in the smell of Jack that surrounded him in that little room, "You know, one of these days you'll realise that I have a bed twice as big as this at my place."

"You like this one better though. You said it was softer."

"...I could get a softer mattress?"

Jack chuckled, "If you want me to go home with you, tell me and I'll go."

"You're always busy with reports."

"I'm pretty sure I'd choose you over them."

Ianto smirked, "I know you would but if you don't do it, I end up doing it."

"How about this, I'll work extra hard tomorrow, get _lots _of work done. Then we'll go back to yours."

"Deal. Can we sleep now?"

Jack smiled, kissing the top of the younger man's head, "Sleep."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Ianto groaned when he heard an alarm sound in the hub. He rolled in the bed and looking over at the older man sleeping next to him.

"Jack? Jack, get up." Ianto shook the captain.

"Urgh, why?"

"Something's going on. You've got to get up Jack."

"Five more minutes."

"No Jack, now." Ianto went to stand up but was stopped by Jack's hand grabbing his arm.

"Don't get up."

"It's..." Ianto looked over at the clock, "Shit, Jack get up! It's ten!"

"What?" Jack's grip on Ianto's arm tightened.

"It's ten o'clock. Get up."

"You're kidding me!"

Ianto grabbed hold of Jack's hand that was still holding his arm and pulled him out of the bed, "Hurry up."

"Alright, alright!"

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

"Gwen?" Ianto called as he came out from Jack's office, "You in?"

"Thank god you're awake!"

"Well why didn't you wake us!?"

"One, you needed sleep and two, I never want to walk in on you two...not like that."

Ianto blushed for a moment, "What's going on?"

"I have no idea. Everything was fine until that alarm went off."

Jack rushed out of his office, his suspenders still at his sides. He quickly got to their sides, just a little but out of breath.

"What's going on?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." Gwen sighed, "I have no idea Jack."

Jack messed around with the computer for a moment and they knew something was _very _wrong by the look on his face.

"Gwen, stay here." Jack turned to Ianto, tilting his head to look in his eyes.

Not that he had to tilt his head by much. Ianto was scared. He hadn't seen Jack like this very often but it was never good. Jack's hands firmly held the younger man's shoulders.

"You need to promise me you'll stay here."

"What? No!"

"I have to go and try to fix this now. I don't have time Ianto," Jack pressed his lips to the Welshman's firmly. The kiss completely filled with uncertainty and fear. Ianto could tell Jack was scared and that only spurred on his own fear, "Stay here."

Jack ran out the cog door before they could stop him.

"What the hell Jack!?"

**_A/N: Sorry for the wait. Words cannot describe how much all your reviews meant to me. I'm SO glad you liked chapter one. Please continue to review._**

**_Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx_**


	3. Left Behind

_**A/N: For the first time ever, the first 2 scenes of this wouldn't let me go to sleep until they were written. Enjoy!**_

_**Chapter 3 - Left Behind**_

Ianto rushed into Jack's office, trying to move as quickly as he could.

"Ianto? What are you doing?"

The Welshman rushed back out, his jacket now on and Jack's coat in his hands, "Gwen, I need you to stay here."

"Oh no you don't, not you too Ianto."

"Something is very wrong." Ianto looked down, "He left his coat. You promise me, you stay here."

"No! I'm not staying here while you're doing god knows what!"

"Gwen! Look," Ianto made sure she watched as he put the comm in his ear, "I'm plugged in. I need you to tell me where to go. You know I wouldn't make you stay but we need you here as a backup."

Gwen groaned and pulled him into a hug, "You come home safe, both of you."

"I promise."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

"Jack?" Ianto spoke into the comms as he drove as fast as he could, "Jack, talk to me."

_"Stay at the hub Ianto."_

"Too late."

_"Go back!"_

"No."

_"Ianto, that's an order, go back to the hub!"_

"No." Ianto took a turn, "You don't get to be the boss of me on this one."

_"I _am _the boss."_

"Since when has that stopped me!? Jack, what's going on?"

_"It's too hard to explain."_

"You tell me what the hell is going on right now or I swear to god Jack-"

_"Please Yan...stop shouting." _Ianto could hear the desperation in his voice.

"I..." Ianto paused, trying to find his words, "What the fuck is going on Jack?"

_"I know you're scared."_

"I'm not scared."

_"You only swear like that when you're scared."_

"Alright I'm scared. You left Jack! You just took off."

_"I don't want you to get hurt."_

"Then tell me what's happening."

_"I...love you Yan. So much."_

Ianto's eyes widened at the words. This was bad. Unbelievably bad. Words cannot describe how bad this was. Jack wouldn't have said those words if it wasn't.

"What the hell is happening Jack!? You tell me now because you know this is killing me!"

_"Go back to the hub Yan." _Jack's voice was soft.

"Jack?" The other end went quiet, "JACK!?"

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

"Gwen, I think I found the place." Ianto spoke over the comms as he stopped the car.

_"Anything going on?"_

"No, but the other SUV is here. I've got to go look for Jack."

_"Be careful Ianto."_

"Stay nearby incase I need your help."

Ianto sighed, resting his head on the top of the steering wheel. This was hard. He wanted to go back a few hours to sleeping with Jack next to him. Now all he could feel was fear and dread. Reluctantly, he got out of the car, taking the smallest of steps. The building was clearly abandoned and looked creepy, ominous. The Welshman moved carefully through the door, trying to find Jack. He knew Jack would be at least six minutes ahead. Not only had he left before Ianto, he drove much faster than Ianto ever would, though not by much in this case.

The building was huge. Like a bigger but less technical version of the hub. It had definitely been long since abandoned. Dust and even rubble scattered around the room. There were no lights and even at his time the placce was dark.

Ianto moved quietly up the stairs, "Jack, please talk to me." He whispered into the comms.

_"Go home."_

"Where are you?"

_"Ianto..."_

"Tell me where you are or I'll walk around this place by myself until I find you."

_"Please just go home."_

"Upstairs or downstairs?" Ianto asked, ignoring him.

_"Upstairs." _Jack sighed.

"What level?"

_"Three."_

"I'll be there very soon."

- - - - - - - - - X x X - - - - - - - - -

Ianto got to the third floor and moved as quietly as he could. There were desks scattered everywhere. _Office. _He mused. _Of course._

"Jack?" He whispered, looking around for the captain.

He took tentative steps through the room, trying to keep as quiet as possible, "Jack? Where are you?"

Ianto jumped when he felt a hand on his leg, immediately looking down. Jack glared up at him, clearly not pleased to see him.

"There, you've seen me. You know where I am, now will you please go home?"

"You know I'm not going home." Ianto sat down next to Jack under one of the desks.

"Why did you come? I told you to promise me you wouldn't."

"I didn't agree to that promise. Besides, you left your coat behind."

Jack smiled faintly gripping the coat as Ianto passed it to him, "Thank you...but you shouldn't be here."

"We're in this together."

"I don't want you in this at all."

"You told me you loved me to try to keep me away. Clearly this is big, big enough for you to say something like that. I'm not letting you go into something that big by yourself.'

Jack looked down at the floor, "Please leave before it's too painful to let you."

Ianto tilted Jack's head back up to look in his eyes. He could see the pain in the blue pools, along with the fear, "I'm not going anywhere."

Ianto pulled Jack into a strong hug and felt Jack immediately pull him closer, clutching to him for dear life. He wasn't sure if Jack was crying but the terror in those eyes were moving in that direction.

"I'm scared Ianto."

**_A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews so far. I'm really glad you like it so far. Hopefully you'll know what it is Jack is so afraid of within the next two chapters ;D Please review some more._**

**_Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx_**


	4. That Sound

**_Chapter 4 – That Sound_**

"Jack, it's okay." Ianto knew he must have been holding the older man to him so tightly he'd have trouble breathing but he just didn't care.

"I don't want you here. Please go home." Jack breathed in heavily.

"You know how to make me feel special."

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Jack chuckled sadly, "If you get hurt...I could never live with myself."

"Hey," Ianto moved Jack's head to look up at him, wiping away fresh tears, "This isn't like you."

"I can't lose you, that's why all I'm asking is for you to go home."

Ianto pulled Jack into a comforting kiss, wrapping his arms around the captain's shoulders. Jack's hands immediately cupped the younger man's face trying to get closer. Breathing in the faintest sent of last nights coffee (no time for any that morning or even his usual aftershave), Jack let a single tear slide down his cheek as he sighed contentedly.

"You are not going anywhere. You can't die, remember? Everything will be okay."

"Not for you! If you get killed, you won't come back. I can't watch you get hurt."

"Look at me." Ianto moved the older man's face to look at him again, "I'm going to be fine. I would be worse off if I were back at the hub worrying."

"No you wouldn't. Trust me." Jack sighed, "You know what, I'll take you back to the hub, yeah? It'll be fine. I can come back here after."

"No! Look Jack, you can stay here worrying about me but I'm going to find whatever it is that has you so scared and stop it."

"No!" Jack grabbed Ianto's arm, "You know what I'm so scared of?"

"Tell me."

"Your reaction when you find out what it is. You've been hurt enough and I don't know what I'd do."

Ianto shook his head, "Let's go Jack, we'll be fine."

Jack gripped his hand tightly, trying to find comfort in the gesture. Ianto got up, pulling Jack with him and helping him with his coat.

"Have you seen it yet?"

"No."

"So you could be worrying about nothing?"

"I'm not."

"How do you know?"

"I know that energy signature. I've made a point to."

"What are we looking for Jack?"

As if on cue, the sound of heavy footsteps came from the other room and Ianto's breathing quickened with fear.

"Ianto?" Jack's hand rested on the Welshman's shoulder and his voice dripped worry.

Ianto knew those footsteps. He'd heard them far too often than he'd ever cared for. Ianto's eyes glazed over at the memories of that sound

_When the alarm went off fear flooded through him. Nothing was supposed to be able to get into Torchwood London. His first thoughts were to find Lisa. She could be anywhere in the massive building. __He stood in the hallway, watching people move frantically to find an escape from the building. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying to figure out what part of the building the woman would be in._

_That was when it went wrong. That was when he heard that sound, that terrible sound of pounding footsteps coming from behind him. That's when the situation truly felt real. He didn't have time to think, moving as quickly as he could to another room. There was no where to hide, no where that would work. The Welshman was pressed against a wall in one of the rooms, only hoping the creature wouldn't choose the room he did._

_He tried to slow his breathing as much as he could in the circumstances and stayed completely silent. As the thundering sound of the footsteps came through the hallway, Ianto's heart raced in his chest to the point where he felt sick. Even after the sound had dulled and left, the sickening feeling remained as he slid to the floor, trying to figure out what to do next._

"Ianto, we have to move." Jack urged, pulling the younger man out of the room and rushing into another. Dragging Ianto by the arm, Jack pulled him under a bigger, more enclosed desk.

"Ianto? Yan!? Look at me!" Jack begged.

"They can't be back." Ianto murmured, his mind slowly coming back to the room they were sitting in.

"It's only one."

"Not again Jack."

"We've done it before, we can do it again." Jack pulled Ianto into a hug, "We have to do this together."

**_A/N: I don't know how I feel about this chapter. Review to let me know yeah? Thanks for all the kind words from last time._**

**_Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx_**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

"How do we stop it?"

"Same way we did last time?" Jack suggested.

"Last time it was human!"

"Well I don't know Ianto, you were at Canary Wharf, you tell me."

Ianto shook his head, "I don't even want to think about that."

"I know, I know you don't. I need you to though. Think about how they were stopped. I wasn't there and I need you to help me."

Ianto shook his head; his eyes shut tight, "The doctor…he did it. He fixed everything. He always fixes everything."

"But you've got to have gotten a few yourselves. You were Torchwood London."

Ianto sighed, "I remember these guns. They were big. These people appeared out of nowhere with them."

Jack cupped Ianto's face in his hands, "Ianto, those would have gone with them when they left."

"No Jack, they didn't."

"What do you mean? The Doctor wouldn't have let them keep it."

"Well we did. I remember seeing it when they were cleaning up. I came in briefly, to see how bad the damage was and it was there."

"Why didn't I get told about it?"

"Because it's Torchwood London Jack. You and I both know how sneaky they are."

"…Why didn't you tell me?" Jack frowned, frustrated.

"I didn't think to. I mean, how much stuff are they keeping from you Jack? This is just one amongst so many others."

"Ianto-"

"What do you want from me Jack? A list of every single item they have that you don't know about!? I can't remember them all and by now they'd have so much more!"

"Okay! Okay. I'm sorry, that came out wrong." Jack sighed, "I just hate that they have so much stuff they don't tell me about and use the wrong way.

"I know you do. Believe me; I've heard this from you so many times now." Ianto chuckled, "The only way we can stop this is to get those guns though."

"You need to go to London and get them then."

"I'm not leaving you here! We've been through this."

"We can't stop this thing without those guns!"

"I'm not leaving you here to get killed by it!"

"I can't die remember." Jack pointed out.

"I don't care, you'll still get hurt."

"And so will you if you stay here."

"Safety in numbers." Ianto saw the sceptical look on Jack's face, "Look, It'd be more dangerous to try to get out now then it would to stay here with you."

Jack looked straight into Ianto's eyes, trying to come up with more reasons, "…Just…you can't…go home Ianto! Please go home."

"You want me safe, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Well then it's best for me to stay here where you can keep an eye on me."

Jack smirked, "As much as I'd love that…"

"Mind out of the gutter."

Jack laughed, "What's your plan then?"

"Get Gwen to go to London, we stay here and make sure it doesn't leave the building."

"…Are you okay?"

Ianto smiled reassuringly, "I'll be fine."

"I know how hard this is Yan."

"I'm terrified. You know I am but we need to stop this thing."

"I'm going to find a way to get you out of here."

"No, you're not. I'm not a child Jack, I'll be fine."

Jack sighed, "We better call Gwen then."

"Keep watch and I'll call her." Ianto instructed.

"…Why not me?"

"Because the first thing she'd do is ask where you are and what's going on. She won't listen to you."

Jack went to speak before simply nodding, watching the doorway. Ianto pressed a hand to his comm before speaking into it.

"Gwen?"

"_Ianto! Thank god! Where are you? What's going on?"_

"Listen to me for a sec."

"_What's going on Ianto?" _There was fear in Gwen's voice.

"It's hard to explain. I need you to go to London."

"_What? Why?" _The confusion in Gwen's voice was clear.

"Just ask for the Canary Wharf guns. They'll know what you mean."

"_Do you know what it is? Are we in trouble?"_

"We are if you don't get those guns."

"_What if they don't give me the guns?"_

"Tell them Jack Harkness sent for them and keep throwing authorisation codes their way until they do." Jack interrupted, speaking through his own comm.

"_Jack? Are you okay!?"_

"We don't have time for this now Gwen, just go."

"…_Sorry. I'm on my way."_

"So, we-"

Ianto was interrupted by Jack's hand covering his mouth, "Ssh."

The sound of heavy footsteps crossing the next room almost made the floor vibrate. Ianto closed his eyes as memories continued to haunt him.

_He had found Lisa. It only took about half an hour. She was with the scientists, trying to help them get out. At that moment it was just them in that room, trying to figure out their own way out._

"_They're all through the building, we need to keep moving." Ianto stressed, pulling Lisa towards the door._

"_No! We can't leave all this technology here for them to get their hands on!"_

"_Look at them! I think it's safe to say all the technology they have will be far more advanced than all ours."_

"_Ianto I-"_

_Ianto dragged Lisa under a desk, covering her mouth as the sound of those footsteps going past the room made them shake._

"I think it's gone." Jack's voice shook him from his thoughts.

Ianto gripped the older man's hand tightly, hoping for some comfort.

"It's okay. What time do you think Gwen will get here?"

"It's twelve now. She could be as late as six."

"We have to keep this thing busy for six hours?" Jack looked at Ianto sceptically again.

"You asked!"

"How are we going to keep it in this building?"

_**A/N: Sorry for the wait…this is rubbish but I wanted to post something because I've left you with nothing for so long. Please review.**_

_**Cheers,  
Gabz  
xx**_


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